Relationship Keys

Navigating through life is a challenge within itself, but navigating through intimate relationships is a whole other monster.

Ladies, I know the men to women ratio is not equal. I know that we were raised with pre-conceived notions on what love and relationships should look like.  But when we think about the tools our parents equipped us with, maintaining long loving relationships, was not one of them.

I know for me, being born to Haitian immigrants, education and obtaining a good job being a nurse, doctor or lawyer, was drilled into my psyche. There was nothing about how to function in a loving relationship, as a matter of fact, I never saw any signs of love or affection between my parents! (No kisses or hugs) Not one time!  The only physical contact that I remember seeing between my parents was one time when I walked into my parent's bedroom unannounced and saw them having sex under the covers, but at the time I had no idea what was going on, so I quietly closed the door before they felt my presence.

When I became an adult and started being in my own relationships, I always said that I would always let my kids see affection in the household.  My kids always see mommy and daddy hugging and kissing.  That is very important for kids to see their parents being loving and affectionate.

Okay, I'm digressing into a whole different topic.

Back to relationships!

If you're reading this and you're a woman in her later twenties and over, hopefully, you will find these keys helpful:

• Choose your partner wisely: We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. They may remind us of someone from our past, they shower us with gifts and make us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend. Look at their character, personality, values, generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and their actions and their relationship with others.

• Know Your Worth: Believe that you are THE CATCH and ACT accordingly.  It doesn't help if you walk around with this conceited, can't touch me attitude, but you're really not implementing the knowledge.  If you really know your worth, you will require certain things from your potential mate and if they can't deliver, you're supposed to move on! Emphasis on MOVE ON. DO NOT SETTLE.

• Don't Fall in Love with Potential: Everyone has the potential to be the best person they were meant to be. If you meet someone who has big dreams and aspirations, that's wonderful and you should be supportive and try to keep them inspired.  But at the same time, falling in love with someone because of what you think they're going to become isn't going to work, because there could be a chance where those dreams don't come true.  Anything can happen to derail someone, OR they could end up being successful in a whole other way... then what?  Fall in love with the person in front of you, not their future selves or the person YOU think they should become.  Again, fall in love with the person for who they are in the present.  Their potential is just extra sauce!

• Recognize and Believe Red flags: Pay attention to the signs that a person may not be the right one for you.  Don't disregard things like them being emotionally unavailable, unmotivated, anger issues, verbal and emotional outbursts because you just want to be in a relationship.  Watch for patterns from their past, that can very well be manifesting in their present. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.  And a person will always show you who they really are in times of adversity.  That's when their representative takes a back seat and the REAL person steps forward. 

• Discuss expectations of each other: Don't just assume you two want the same things. For example, cheating is not always a deal breaker for everyone.  If it is for you, make sure your mate knows that! 

• Sexual chemistry is NOT Love: Just because the sex is incredible, doesn't mean you found your soul-mate. Sex is indeed a very important part of a successful relationship but it is not everything. It's a small part.

• Honesty honesty honesty: Always be honest. Even when you feel like you may hurt the other person's feelings. It is better to be honest than to lie and work to maintain that lie.

These are just a few of what I call relationship keys.  I refer to them as keys because they are tools that unlock relationship doors and blockages.  Once you implement these tools, you will start to attract the right people and potentially meet the right person for you.

I hope this post reached everyone that it needed to with love and light.

Take Care.
Martine